Resilience

During a webinar this week I heard a great quote about resilience. Resilience can be defined as toughness, or the ability to recover quickly from difficulties, a key strategy as we put the pieces of our dreams together. In fact, without resilience, not much of significance is accomplished towards our dreams or in the rest of our lives. But this quote went further, in a way that helped me to understand and apply the concept at a deeper level. 

Resilience is the ability to absorb high levels of disruptive change while displaying low levels of unproductive behaviour.

Now there are a some things that we need to unpack in this quote. First, disruptive change means change that is not your idea.  It is change that does not meet your expectations. We respond to change that is our idea very differently than change that is not our idea. It is encountering an unexpected traffic jam on the way to an important meeting. It is discovering that, after a building inspection and fire code inspection on the rental property that you are looking to purchase, unexpectedly, you still need an electrical code inspection. 

Second, recovering from disruptive change is linked to managing our non-productive behaviour. That should give hope. While we are not responsible for what happens to us, we can be responsible for our reaction to it. We can be mindful about what has happened. Often, our first reactions to disruptive change are out of perspective and lead to bad decisions if we act on them.

Some time ago I read about the history of strategy. What I remember was that the word strategy originated in a military context. Strategy was the approach taken by one side to convince the other side that they would lose anyways and should surrender and avoid the costs of defeat. In effect, strategy was about getting the opposing side to admit defeat without having to engage in a battle. 

Resilience is a strategy to avoid defeating ourselves. It means that we don't allow ourselves, even in the face of the difficulties we experience, to convince ourselves out of continuing to engage seriously in the pursuit of our dream. 

Learning Environment

The last few weeks have involved a whole lot of new situations for me. Together, my wife, my mother-in-law, and I are pursuing an investment in real estate for the first time. Offers to purchase, cap ratio, inspections, zoning, fire code, legal conditions, asbestos, tax implications, tenants, wiring and plumbing, commercial, residential, boarding house... Wow! 

I love complex systems and strategies, but this time I know enough to know that I don't know enough to make a good decision, yet... I have a lot to learn.

On the subject of learning, I am fascinated by how people learn individually and how groups of people learn together. I read recently that there are three important components for creating a learning environment - that is an environment that facilitates deep learning.

Freedom to express ideas and opinions

Freedom to make mistakes

Freedom to invest time in learning

So let me tell you how this is challenging me...

First, am I creating an environment for myself that allows me to learn? Many of the constraints that limit me are self-imposed. Do I listen to the ideas I have and give them room to develop? Do I impose conditions on myself so there can be no risk in an idea before I consider it to be acceptable? Do I rush myself so there is no time to understand and master the new things that I want to learn?

Second, am I creating an environment for others in my team to learn? Do I value other's opinions and ideas and make room for them to develop? Do I graciously take a chance that other's ideas may result in what I consider to be a mistake, knowing that I regularly make mistakes of my own? Do I allow others to go at the speed at which they learn, neither holding them back or rushing them along?

Back to real estate investments, we make a good team, the three of us. We definitely move at different speeds and have a different tolerance for the chance of making a mistake. We spend a lot of time talking things through and, at times, move too fast for some and too slow for others. I think that each of us has a different idea even of what success looks like. But we are all learning together and that is a good thing.  

You and your Box

What's your relationship with your box? We all have one. You know the one we stay in when we are focused on something that is important to us or we are comfortable. The one we leave when we are bored or get in a rut and need to be exposed to something new. As you put your dream together you will need to spend time in both places - in the box and out-of-the-box. 

Being inside the box gets a lot of bad attention these days. We are all encouraged to be out-of-the-box thinkers, positioning ourselves for those eureka moments. But recent research shows that many well known creative people actually had a daily routine or creative ritual that looked pretty much the same from day to day. People like Picasso and Beethoven and Freud. Being inside the box is actually a good place for structured and disciplined creative work, especially for those who are constantly starting things but not finishing them. One quote I heard was that creative work requires both inspiration and perspiration. Inside the box is the perspiration part. 

But something happens when we have been inside our box for too long. There ceases to be sources of new inspiration and the healthy collision and recombination of new ideas and perspectives. The 'new' things we produce start to look awfully similar to what we have produced already. That is when it is time to get out of the box for a while.  Some creative people recommend taking a year off to cultivate new ideas. I wish...? But that is not necessary. Just try getting out of your routine, doing something you have never done before like reading a book on a topic you know nothing about or getting together with somebody and learning their story. You can even do this by observing through new eyes the things you see every day. I guarantee you that there is a rich array of details that you never noticed before. One overlooked aspect of being out-of-the-box is capturing the inspiration, the ideas, so you can recall them later. The moment of inspiration can be very fleeting and creative people often have a place to collect their ideas, never knowing when one of them will move onto the next step of the creative process. 

So where are you at with your box? I am definitely at the need to get out-of-the-box stage. And I need to challenge myself to capture the ideas as they come. For a while anyways...

Hidden Opportunities

It is easy to be encouraged by things that have gone well...the highlights. But how often do we view the things that have not gone well as one of our greatest opportunities? Most of us view problems as obstacles in the way of our dreams. We may grumble as we deal with them and resent the time and energy that we could be using on more productive pursuits. But problems can be opportunities for the creation of value, if we are willing to see them through different eyes. 

We create value when we solve problems. 

We tend to view our own problems as exclusive to ourselves, with unique circumstances, like somehow nobody else has to grapple with them. That is far from the truth. In fact people all around us are like likely facing the same problems.  And where there are a bunch of people dealing with the same problem, there is opportunity to create a solution. 

There are numerous examples of this. Some people start an organization to help others deal with a tragedy they have personally faced and battled their way through. Others were working on one type of invention and a 'mistake' they made yielded a product that was more promising that what they were hoping for in the first place, like penicillin and popsicles. Some people have even started successful companies out of experiencing a poorly made product or poor customer service and figuring they could do better.

Waste, when brought into the light and air, makes fertile soil. Look in the areas of your life that you consider wasted for key opportunities and strategies. You may find that the wall your dream is running into is actually an opportunity to refine or change your dream into one that is more meaningful and has more impact. 

Reflection: On the First Birthday of The Daniel Mosaic

It is hard to believe that it has been a year since I wrote my first post on The Daniel Mosaic. I remember when the first post appeared on my blog and I thought that one post looked really lonely all by itself. I thought that it would take forever until there was enough content that The Daniel Mosaic would be a 'real' blog. 

That reminds me of an illustration I saw once. Here is my version of it.

So welcome to the first birthday of my blog! That makes me want to gather people together, eat cake (with a mosaic pattern of course) and drink some good coffee. And while I am in the mood to celebrate I started asking myself some questions:

Does the title The Daniel Mosaic still resonate with me? 

Yes. I love systems with lots of pieces. I am realizing that I am okay with pieces that fit together imperfectly, like in a mosaic. That is the picture of my life. So one year later, the title of my blog is more meaningful to me than when I cautiously named it in the first place. 

Favourite post? 

Perspective (Click here). I love the way the pictures of a light bulb from different angles illustrated what I was trying to say in words. More and more I am realizing what a visual person I am and I want to explore that a lot more in the future. 

Most challenging post? 

Authenticity (Click here). This post changed the way I wrote. Rather than writing as an observer of strategy, I started to write more out of my personal experience, both success and failure.

Most read post? 

Knower or Learner (Click here). I still think that this is still one of the most important questions that we need to face - are we going to try to put the pieces of our dreams together as a knower or a learner? Hint: choose learner. 

What surprised me most? 

How much fun I am having. Each strategy and idea seems to spark other topics to explore and write about. I keep a running list of them. I am also having fun with the visuals, and especially with drawing. I now find myself taking pictures with my iPad in a variety of situations thinking of future blogs and am slowly growing in confidence with hand-drawn illustrations. 

Anything would I do differently? 

I would have pressed in on the weeks that I did not post. There was always something there for me to write and I should not have taken the escape. Looking forward, I want to write more spontaneously as ideas emerge and less in response to a structured posting schedule. 

Any hints on what to expect in the future?

I believe that the different strategies that I am writing about fit together into a bigger picture. I will continue to link closely related strategies and ideas as I am writing but I am excited about structuring the blog so it is easier to access and follow emerging themes.

With that I will conclude this post and launch into year two with a special thanks to my readers. I have heard from a number of you and I would love to meet others who have been following The Daniel Mosaic. Why not send me a comment introducing yourself...

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is one of my core values. It can be defined as 'to live conscious and mindful of the present moment'. Interestingly, even though mindfulness is one of the values that resonates most with me, I don't display it in many ways. That is often the way it is with our core values. The talents that we have been given need to be stewarded and developed, not ignored or hidden. I have been on a learning journey with mindfulness over the past few months. I am learning that mindfulness is about three things: awareness of ourself, awareness of others and awareness of the world around us. But, if we want to walk into our dreams, it starts first with becoming aware of ourself...

We talked earlier this year about the underlying patterns, structures and beliefs that are behind events and the way we act (see Understanding Change). Like an iceberg, most of these are hidden and we respond to them automatically without a conscious realization of the steps that we are going through. It is like that for me with conflict. I sail though a number of stages of conflict and am left at the end wondering what just happened. Mindfulness is a way of slowing down and learning what is going on beneath the surface so we no longer need to be driven by it. As I have been engaging in mindfulness, I am realizing that I am either unaware of or have been choosing to ignore much of what is going on in myself. That has been piling up and affecting my ability to live in the present.

Here is what mindfulness looks like to me:

First, I set a goal and imagine what it will look like. My goal is 'to establish a daily routine that prepares me to work from a place of mindfulness'. I imagine it like this - 'I shrink in size and become aware of the exciting things that are emerging around me'.

Second, I do a mindfulness check-in each morning to see how I am honestly doing. I rate myself on a scale of 0 to 5 (see the mindfulness scale that I developed for myself below). 

Mindfulness Check-In Scale
0 - No awareness of inner conflict. Overall sense of well-being. High awareness and enjoyment of others and the world around me.
1 - Little awareness of inner conflict. High enjoyment of tasks. High energy. High level of curiosity and creativity. Generally enjoy being with people.
2 - Some awareness of inner conflict, but does not dominate. Sense of uneasiness. Diminished excitement and creativity in tasks. Start to withdraw from people.
3 - Moderate awareness of inner conflict. Distracted, mental dullness, fatigue, neediness.  Have to force productivity. Awareness of effort to hold things together. Significant withdrawal from others. Delay eating.
4 - High level of inner conflict.  Difficulty concentrating. Anxiety, mind racing. Inability to undertake challenging or creative tasks. Aware of significant stress in different parts of body. Avoid being with people. Avoidance of food.
5 - Overwhelming level of inner conflict. Inability to concentrate. High level of anxiety, internally focused, shut down. Awareness of intense stress but inability to distinguish individual areas of stress in body. Inability to focus on others or the world around me. Limited ability to eat.

Third, I slow down to let the things that are below the surface emerge and jot these down in a daily planner taking care not to judge what is emerging. If I am at a 0 or 1, I know that there will be less to write about and I will be able to jump into engaging in and enjoying my day. If I am at a 2 or 3, I need to choose to show curiosity and take some time to inquire with myself knowing that if I do not, these things will be stealing my productivity anyways. If I am at a 4 or 5, I will need to set aside a longer period of time as soon as I can to figure out what is going on. I am probably being quite ineffective, and unaware of the effect that I am having on others, until I deal with myself and what is below the surface.

Fourth, when something has emerged that is affecting my ability to live in the present moment, I value myself by acknowledging it and experiencing it.  This usually involves some really honest and messy journaling, but it can also be something that Is expressed during exercise as I bike to work.

Fifth, after acknowledging and experiencing it, I release it to either go or stay. The issue may be easy to release now because I have expressed it and felt heard. Or it may still be hard to release because there is more to be acknowledged and experienced. But one way or another, I choose not to feed what I have acknowledged and experienced. I find that after I have released something that has been getting in the way of me being present, other things arise in me spontaneously that affirm the value of the present moment. One of the most powerful of these affirmations for me has been 'There is time for me to both take care of myself and be productive. I can bring all of myself'. With that kind of thinking, I can't wait to jump into my day.

Our awareness of ourselves and how we treat ourselves are key factors in how we relate to others and the world around us. We start with ourselves but we can't end there if we truly want to be mindful. But that will be subject of another post...

Unfinished Business

We live in a world today that encourages us to dream and go for it. That is pretty good advice because we tend to under-estimate our higher purpose. We aim too low rather than aiming too high. However, an ancient teaching cautions us about two times when we should count the cost - when we are planning to build and when we are planning on initiating conflict. 

So what is it about building and conflict that warrant this cautionary note from a teacher speaking thousands of years ago? I think that in both cases it is the cost we will pay if we are unable to finish what we started.  

Unfinished projects cost us in several ways. First, they cost us the resources we invest in the project to get them started, including time, energy and usually money. We have already learned that it is easy to over-invest during the enthusiastic stage at the start of projects (see Understanding Patterns: Growth). Second, they cost us our reputation both in our eyes and in others. It is easy to get a reputation for starting and not finishing things that becomes a self-fulfilling pattern. Third, they cost us the opportunity of learning from our mistakes. When we hold onto the thought that we will finish it one day, we deceive ourselves. It would be better to finish it now, one way or another, and realize the true cost of what we started. Next time we will be more cautious. 

Unfinished conflict is even more damaging. When we engage in conflict without counting the cost, a pattern of escalation often results, and we can find ourselves in a situation that we never would have viewed as acceptable when the conflict started. Unfinished conflict may rob us of relationships that were once close or full of potential - stealing what we could have accomplished together. Unfinished conflict can also become an escape from people who are telling us the truth about ourselves. If everybody we talk to agrees with us, maybe it is because we have silenced those who risked to reveal what we cannot see, and what we need to learn. 

Conflict can be healthy when it is for the right reasons and when it is seen through to resolution. I believe that there is such a thing as productive conflict (although my usual response to conflict is avoidance or blind reaction) and I am planning on exploring it further in a future blog. But unfinished conflict is not productive conflict.  

Unfinished business, whether it is building something, or conflict, is a key killer of many dreams. Finishing unfinished business is uncomfortable. We don't want to be reminded of it. That is why many of us avoid it for far too long or forever. Bringing closure to unfinished business may seem pointless when there are a lot of things that we have left unfinished but it is a key strategy to engage in as we put the pieces of our dream together. 

Seasons: Letting Go

This week I want to return to the importance of different seasons as we pursue our dreams. Where I live we have just transitioned from winter into spring. The snow is gone. Plants are coming up in our garden. And I have started biking to work again. It is pointless to try to hold back the seasons of our lives. As much as I love winter, when spring comes, winter is gone. The hats, gloves, heavy coats and snow boots that are essential in the cold of winter, are unnecessary and uncomfortable in spring. So it is with other seasons of our lives, like holding on and letting go.  

I have been writing a lot about holding on lately. It is a good thing to hold onto the things that matter, like your higher purpose and core values. But the end result of a lot of holding on can be a lot of unintended accumulation. We can become so full that there is no room for anything new in the pursuit of our dreams. 

Photo Credit: A Glimpse of Blue

The season of letting go is about choosing to get rid of things and make space. It is about dropping things that are weighing us down. It is about leaving some things behind. It is about reducing clutter. It is about paring down to the things that matter. 

We may need to let go of physical things, like toys, clothes, books, supplies, etc. I have held onto stuff for many years because I may need it some day. It is interesting how much time and energy I spend managing things that I do not use or need. It is also interesting that I often don't miss those things when they are no longer there to remind me of their presence. At times, I try to consciously get rid of stuff a little at a time and enjoy the feeling of the space that it creates. That then motivates me to take the next step of letting go.

We may need to let go of the things we fill our time with, like longstanding roles and responsibilities that no longer fit, unproductive habits or escapes. These familiar things can get in the way of the new season that is awaiting us. It is a tragedy when a new exciting role is turned down for a role that we are successful and comfortable in but have outgrown. We may refuse the call in the story of our life that is unfolding. Likewise, when our time is so full of unproductive pursuits, we may miss an opportunity for something that really matters to us. We may even need to let go of some things that have worked well in the past, choosing instead to embrace learning and change.

We may need to let go of beliefs that we have depended upon, like conclusions about people or how the world works. Through seasons of holding on, it is easy to develop survival mechanisms, building defences against people or circumstances that we feel threaten our dreams. What we learn in times of adversity may hold us back when abundance returns. 

Letting go is ultimately about making space to walk further into our dreams. One ancient teaching lets us know that there is a season for letting go. A second one issues an invitation - let us throw off the things that weigh us down and the things that entangle us and let us run the race that is set before us. Despite being written thousands of years ago, these are timely words for today as we walk into our dreams.

Random Thoughts on my Dream

Ever since my blog on authenticity in October 2014, I have been challenging myself to write out of genuine experience. As I look back on my last few blogs, I see that there is a theme emerging - the challenge of keeping going. I don't know why pursuing my dream seems so hard at times...why it seems so easy to think about giving up. I often question why I am doing this? Why am I still writing? 

It doesn't seem to be about success or failure. Although some of my blogs get read more than others, looking back, each one has value to me. I am proud of them. 

It is not about a lack of time or energy. Writing about strategy energizes me rather than drains me. The weeks that I post a new blog are better than the weeks that I don't. The more I write, the more I want to write. 

At times, it all seems so impractical. I was taught to work hard and to not have my head in the clouds. That being 'too heavenly minded was to be of no earthly good'. Where does strategy fit in that?

I think that it comes down to this - the reason I am pursuing The Daniel Mosaic is because I still have lots to write about. I literally have lists of strategies that I plan to write about. Other strategies are stirring inside of me and will emerge one day. I can't take credit for them because this is the way that I was made. 

And what if something I wrote one day made a big difference to somebody. What if it helped them to keep going on their dream just when they were about to give up. I love that thought... And then I realize that I am doing this because it is part of me and I love what I am doing and I don't want to give up and I feel connected and energized again. 

Understanding Patterns: Escalation

Another pattern that it is useful to recognize as you put the pieces of your dream together is escalation. To me, escalation brings to mind growing up at the end of the Cold War where world military superpowers completed for nuclear supremacy. Ironically, it resulted in there being enough nuclear weapons to destroy the world several times over. But escalation affects more than just world conflict. Escalation is a common pattern that affects many of us in everyday situations, like family quarrels, price wars and legal battles.

The pattern of escalation is what happens when two or more competitors observe the actions of the other and look to 'one-up' or outperform the other. What usually happens is that both competitors find themselves in a place that they would never have viewed as acceptable at the beginning of the competition. The pattern can result in a destructive cycle which consumes resources for very little benefit.  

The escalation pattern, when drawn, looks like two cycles which intersect at the point where a decision is made to 'one-up' the other. The cycles feed off of each other in a Figure-8 pattern.

There are two ways to stop the escalation pattern. The first one is to de-couple the two cycles that are feeding off of each other.  This is something that can be imposed upon competitors such as when quarrelling children are separated by a parent or when a mediator is assigned to contract negotiations which have broken down. 

The same effect can also result when one of the competitors chooses to de-couple from the other. Interestingly, it only takes one of the competitors to de-couple to end the escalation. For example, someone in a quarrel may decide to listen and respect the other's point of view rather than continuing the argument or retaliating. An ancient teaching calls this 'turning the other cheek'. 

Once the cycles are de-coupled, the competitors tend to return to actions in line with their individual purposes and the senseless escalation ends.

The second way to stop the escalation pattern is for the two competitors to join together around a shared purpose. This tends to be a riskier path but it can result in benefits for both the competitors. For example, two organizations who are competing to move into a new area may decide to embark upon a shared venture instead. This is an example of a both-and strategy rather than an either-or strategy that we talked about in the post on Polarity Thinking. 

It is possible to avoid escalation as we walk into our dream by remaining true to our personal vision and core values, even in the face of competition, and by trying to build shared purpose, wherever possible, with those around us.  

Note: the 'escalation' pattern is one of eight common systems archetypes in systems thinking.

Breaking Points

Have you ever reached a point when you feel like you just can't go on.  Maybe your dream is in pieces. Or you realize that you are going around in circles and are back to where you started, again. Or even worse, you have run headlong into a brick wall that you knew was coming and thought that you had taken steps to avoid this time. You are at a breaking point and it is an important moment for you and your dream.

You may wonder, what can strategy do at this point? The answer is nothing, unless we are willing to act on it. At breaking points, there are a lot of unproductive things that are revealed that we need to get rid of - like blame, excuses, rationalization and escapes. As the internal pressure increases it usually gets harder and harder to resist the unproductive path we may have taken many times before.

When I think of breaking points, a scene from the Disney movie, Bambi, comes to mind. A young quail is hiding as hunters approach. They know that they are not supposed to flush but the pressure builds and builds until they finally give in and burst into flight. Within seconds they are shot and killed by one of the hunters. 

You can view the short clip here.

Breaking points test our character and our capacity to carry our dreams through to completion. They are characterized by thinking that says, 'I just can't take it anymore!' The question to ask is why? Why can't you take it anymore? What is coming to the surface in you? What is the worst thing that is going to happen if you continue to not give into your internal pressure?

It is difficult to face our breaking points without some type of an anchor, like our personal vision or core values, to keep us steady through the process. The other thing that is essential is perseverance. As we persist, and keep our eyes on our higher purpose, the things that we thought we could never do, the obstacles that we thought we could never get past, get challenged and revealed for what they are. 

Eventually, the whole concept of a breaking point itself gets challenged. Breaking points are usually self-imposed and self-perpetuated. As we give less and less room to 'I can't do it anymore' thinking, we become more prepared to put the pieces of our dream together. 

Scenario Planning: Planning for Success

Dreams often start small and grow slowly. That is the normal pattern of growth. But after a while, it is easy to think that your dream will remain small for ever. The planning for success strategy is the right strategy to prepare the way for a dream that you have been carefully tending to grow to the next level. 

The planning for success strategy uses the principles of scenario planning to imagine alternative expressions of how your dream might turn out. Here is how it works. 

First, imagine at least three different ways your dream could grow to exceed your expectations. Stretch yourself to have at least one of the scenarios represent incredible success to you. Don't worry in this step about how the success will occur. Focus instead on what success in different forms would look like. Write the scenarios down and give them names. 

It is important to imagine more than one scenario for success. Having only one scenario will be limiting to the growth of your dream. 

Second, look at your dream as it is now through the future pictures of success that you have imagined. What new things would you have to put in place so your dream as it is now could accommodate the success you imagined? And what things are you doing now that you would have to stop doing or do a different way? Write these down for each of the scenarios. 

Recognize that the things that you are writing down in this step will make no sense if you look at the future picture of success through the current reality of your dream. They will only make sense if you look back from the future at the present. 

Third, pick several things that you have written down that you could change with little to no additional investment of your time or resources. Do not worry if what you are proposing to do seems out-of-scale to your dream as it is now. Just make sure that you are not over-investing your time or resources. Create a plan to put those things into action (write it down) and act on it over the next few weeks. If you have been carefully tending your dream this far, it will be exciting to add these additional steps to what you have been doing. Watch for the sense of possibility that starts to rise up within you.  

Scenario planning is a powerful strategy to imagine and shape the future when we are willing to invest ourselves deeply in the process - something that I need to do in a few areas of my life. I will let you know how it goes. 

Note: This week's blog was inspired by stories written by George MacDonald, a Scottish author who lived from 1824 to 1905. George MacDonald was considered a mentor to C.S. Lewis, the author of the Narnia series. Many of George MacDonald's best loved characters dreamed of and planned for their dreams long before they had the resources to accomplish it. Once the opportunity was realized they were able to make a rapid and lasting impact. 

Resistance

I like it when things go well. There is such a sense of accomplishment when I sail through something that I have planned for, or through an unexpected event along the path to my dream. In that excitement it is easy to forget that we learn most when things are not going well, when we run into resistance. Resistance is a wonderful teacher if we will learn from it.  

Resistance at its simplest is something that pushes back at us. It slows us down and takes up energy. We are surrounded with examples where people are trying to eliminate resistance, like airplanes and Olympic swimmers. But we also encourage and even engage in resistance, like when we exercise or when we turn on an electric stove and get a glowing filament. So resistance can't be all bad. 

There will be resistance as you put the pieces of your dream together. You should expect that. What you and I do with it is the issue. Having spent a lot of time responding to resistance in a way that is not helpful, I am learning to ask two questions...

Everything that can be shaken, will be...eventually. Resistance causes the weak parts of our dream and character to be shaken and exposed - like selfish motives, desire for short cuts, and blame. It also exposes when we are more in love with the idea of our dream rather than the dream itself. While this is painful, it is also good because these things are unstable. They are not worth working towards. It is better that they be exposed so we can let them go.

After things have been shaken, after our dream and character have been sifted and sorted, what remains will align to our higher purpose. These are the things that are worth standing for, the non-negotiables. It is amazing how much unnecessary clutter we collect around our dreams and how freeing it is to finally let it go.  And after resistance exposes what needs to go, it then strengthens what remains. 

I have learned that the best way to learn from resistance is to walk straight into it with curiosity and see what is there. It is usually not pleasant at first but I have never failed to appreciate the results when I have embraced resistance as a strategy and a teacher.