Hidden In Plain Sight

It is easy to hope that something unexpected, from outside of our normal routine, will burst onto our scene and bring about a breakthrough in our life. Maybe an unexpected inheritance, an inside business opportunity or an influential person taking an interest in us. This is the lure of many movies and books.  It is also the lure of scam artists.  Unfortunately, this type of thinking usually leads to powerlessness while we search desperately for something that we already have.

You see, everything we need for the first stage of a breakthrough in our life is already in place.  An ancient story tells of three stewards who were each given resources to manage. The first was given the most and they used their resources and they grew. The second was given somewhat less but they too used their resources and they grew. The third steward received less than the other two, although it was still a significant amount of resources. This steward was afraid of losing what they were given so they buried them to keep them safe.  At the end of the story, the first two stewards were rewarded according to the increase they brought about.  The third steward had everything taken away. 

We all have been given something valuable.  And what we have been given will grow if we steward it.  If you do not believe that you have something valuable to steward and grow, the key question is, where did you hide it or bury it?  And why?

Many of us have been waiting a long time for a breakthrough... the good news is the wait is over.  The way forward is to discover again the treasure we have been given, dust it off, place it in a prominent place and nurture it while it grows. 

This is not easy.  Many of us despise the treasure we have been given and in so doing we despise ourselves.  Searching for and digging up the treasure can be full of conflict and confusion - hope, anger, expectation, shame...

Waiting for something or someone to unexpectedly rescue us is a form of powerlessness.  Embracing who we are and what we have been given is the treasure that is hidden in plain sight.  

Daniel

The best mosaics have a lot of pieces...

The Power of Agreement

A few weeks ago I introduced the importance of power and love in solving difficult situations in which we find ourselves stuck.  One of the key elements in moving from powerlessness to powerful is the power of agreement.  

The power of agreement is a basic level of power that we all have been given.  We are all responsible for the things we agree to.  But we should not exercise our power of agreement lightly.  When we agree with something and commit to action, regardless of the consequences, our power in that area will grow.  If it is a good thing that we agree with and take action on, then the power to do other good things will grow.  If it is a bad thing that we agree with and take action on, then the power to do other bad things will grow.  

But when we choose to act like we agree with something that we don't agree with, we give away power.  An ancient saying says that a house divided against itself will fall.  Acting in a powerless way leads to more powerlessness.  

I am not saying that we have to agree with each thing that we choose to take action on.  There will be a lot of situations in life where things did not go the way we wanted.  Whenever we make decisions with others there will probably be perspectives we don't agree with and sometimes decisions will be made that we disagree with but require our action. The key issue is what we tell ourselves, the way we portray ourselves to others, and the action we take. 

There are five scenarios I see related to the power of agreement that determine whether we are acting in powerful or powerless ways:

1. I agree, I communicate that I agree, I take action = Powerful
2. I disagree, I communicate that I disagree and will not take action, I take no action = Powerful
3. I disagree, I communicate that I disagree but will still take action, I take action = Powerful
4. I agree, I am silent or communicate that I disagree, I either take action or not = Powerless
5. I disagree, I am silent or communicate that I agree, I either take action or not = Powerless

I am not saying that we should weigh in on every situation we face.  That just comes across as opinionated or judgemental. But we need to ask ourselves whether we are acting in powerful or powerless ways in the situations where we find ourselves stuck. 

Daniel

The best mosaics have a lot of pieces...

Understanding Patterns: Limits to Growth

Limits to growth can be very frustrating.  I am not talking about the times when we see success but the times when we keep doing the same thing that brought us success in the past but now with less and less results. It turns out that this is a very common and predictable pattern.  Fortunately, it is also a problem that can be overcome if we are willing to let go of what we believe is limiting our success. 

The pattern of growth is familiar.  We undertake something and success leads to more resources and more enthusiasm so there is growth which leads to more resources and enthusiasm and so on.  In its simplest form, as long as we kept doing the same things that brought success, growth would keep on occuring forever.   However, this clearly doesn't happen in real life.  Slowdowns eventually happen. 

The typical response to a slowdown in growth is to put in more of what was causing the growth in the place.  More time, more money, more effort.  Kind of like using a bigger hammer.  This may work temporarily but soon the pattern of slowdown will reoccur and more dramatically.  You see, the cycle of growth is always attached to a balancing cycle that eventually results in resistance to further growth.  Just like the cycle of success keeps leading to growth, so the balancing cycle keeps leading to resistance that slows or stops growth.  As a result, when the balancing cycle is operating, more growth will lead to more resistance and the effort to grow will be more and more costly.

The secret to overcoming the limits to growth pattern is to focus on understanding the balancing cycle rather than the growth cycle.  The strongest part of the balancing cycle are the unintended consequences we create as we are growing.  It is all too easy to blame the resistance on others and that is what keeps people stuck in this cycle.  Our attempts to push past external constraints when the constraint is internal will be fruitless.  When we have identified and dealt with the internal constraints then we will be in a position to respond to the external constraints.

There are many balancing factors that cause resistance to growth.  Here are four that you cannot afford to overlook and some questions you can ask to recognize if they are operating:

Trust - Nothing will undermine growth like a lack of trust.  In your efforts to grow are you paying attention to the level of trust between you and the people you are serving?  Have you evaluated your consistency, reliability, availability, timeliness?  Do you have an outside objective opinion of these?

Alignment - Have you ever been in a vehicle that is out of alignment?  Everything seems fine when you are driving at low speeds, but accelerate and all of a sudden the vehicle starts to shudder and swerve and you have to be careful to not lose control.  Alignment is crucial on a number of levels as you grow.  On a personal level, have you paid attention to whether you are drifting away from your personal vision and core values?  Within your team, are you taking the time to explain where you are heading and why.  Are you open to listening and are you welcoming of honest feedback?

Adaptability - We all operate within a picture of how the world works. When we have experienced success in the past it is easy to assume that the same factors will always operate the same way.  Adaptability is now believed to be one of the most important factors behind the long-term success of any vision.  Have you paid attention to your assumptions and whether they are still relevant?  Have you built in regular time for analysis and reflection?  Where are you ignoring or accommodating out-of-date practices.

Underinvestment - When things stop going well it may seem natural to remove resources from the area that is not doing well. But underinvestment usually undermines future growth. The times of slow growth are often the time to prepare for the next stage of growth.  How deeply have you cut resources to try to accommodate the slowdown?  Are you holding back when you should be moving forward?  Do you have capacity to respond quickly to the next growth opportunity?  What new pioneer resources are needed for the next stage of growth?

Daniel

The best mosaics have a lot of pieces...

Being Told No

No one likes to be told 'no'.  It is an uncomfortable feeling.  There are many reactions we can have when we hear 'no' to one of our ideas or something we want to do - resignation, indignation, defensiveness, resolve. Some are helpful, some are not. 

Just like saying 'no' to distractions can be one of the steps we need to take from time to time, so being told 'no' by others may also be healthy if we will choose to learn from it.

What are the lessons can we learn from being told 'no'?

Curiosity - true curiosity leads us to asking questions with an openness to seeing ourselves and the world differently. The most limiting place we can be is isolated inside our own assumptions.  Being told 'no' is an opportunity to be open to and potentially learn from another person's perspective. 

Resolve - there will always be resistance to change, especially if it is good change, the kind of change that lines up with our personal vision and core values.  Being told 'no' can lead to a strengthening of resolve to pursue the great work we are called to.  Sometimes that leads us to the next level which had eluded our previous efforts. 

Creativity - innovative breakthroughs in just about every area involve pursuing what is deemed to be impossible. One of the tenets of modern design is to discard the conventional at the beginning of the process. Ironically in design, being told 'no' often leads to 'yes' in ways that change our world for the better.

So the next time you run into a 'no', ask yourself what you need to learn from the experience. 

Daniel

The best mosaics have a lot of pieces...

Your Greatest Battle

...is to be who you are. Sounds simple doesn't it. And quote worthy. Coffee mugs, journals, email footers. We have all seen them and thought we understood. 

I have a tray that I put my keys in daily for many months with such a quote. It says: "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." Ralph Waldo Emerson

E.E. Cummings said something similar, "To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight - and never stop fighting."

But here's the thing. Being ourselves, truly ourselves, is the greatest risk we will ever take. I am not talking about being selfish or self-centred. That is something entirely different. Selfishness is not core to anybody. 

Being ourselves involves going back to our core values, and being willing to look at where we are not living up to those values and why.  It involves taking responsibility for acting powerfully within those values and not allowing blame of circumstances or of others as an excuse when we do not live up to our values. 

It would be so easy to just end this blog on a light, even inspirational note. But being yourself isn't something to take lightly. You have to believe that who you are is just what is needed, be willing to pay the cost to live authentically and be compassionate and gracious with those who don't see things the same way you do.

Daniel

The best mosaics have a lot of pieces...

Solving Difficult Situations

A few years ago I attended a Systems Thinking conference in Boston that was personally challenging and life-changing.  One of the presentations that made a real impression on me was a keynote session by Adam Kahane about solving difficult situations using the dance of power and love.

It did not make much sense to me then but, surprisingly, I remembered a lot of what was said... Power without love is abusive... Love without power is anemic... Love and power together are like learning to walk... The only way to walk is to be continually off balance... But eventually you master it so you don't even need to think about it anymore... Then you begin to dance... The dance of power and love is what is needed to solve difficult situations...

Nine years later, I think that I am starting to understand why the dance of love and power is so important... because what keeps us as individuals, families and organizations in difficult situations is a underlying core belief in our own worthlessness (not deserving of love) and/or powerlessness (no ability to influence). 

The path to walking into worth and power is not first and foremost about changing our external circumstances, although that may need to change in the future.  It is about changing our internal beliefs.  For example, trying to undertake 'powerful actions' is not the same thing as undertaking 'action out of power'.  Many 'powerful actions' are actually desperate reactions to grab control out of a belief in our powerlessness.  These types of actions do not lead to true power, instead, they produce an illusion of power which will leave us less secure and with a need to increasingly escalate to more and more of these actions, often perpetuating the difficult situation we want to get out of.

Ultimately, the path into resolving the difficult situations we are in involves facing our own feelings and beliefs about worthlessness and powerlessness and how we got there in the first place.

Daniel

The best mosaics have a lot of pieces...

Saying No

I am told that the primary purpose of the brain is not to pay attention to everything that is happening. That would overload our systems and leave us unable to function.  Instead, the most valuable thing our brain does is filter out the noise so we know where to place our attention.  That is an important concept as we look at when we should choose to say 'yes' or 'no'.

There is a lot of pressure today to get to 'yes'.  As a result, there are situations in which we entertain things where we should just say 'no'.  But how do we know when and where to say 'no'?  An ancient story provides some insight. 

Some leaders in exile had been given permission and resources to return home to their country which lay in ruins from being invaded and conquered decades previously. The task of rebuilding the walls of their city was daunting and there was opposition but the people rallied and took up the challenge with great enthusiasm.  As a result great progress was made in a short time.  Then came an invitation from the leaders of the opposition.  'Why don't you come and we can talk about what we can do together'.  On the surface It sounded like a good offer - to form an alliance with the ones who were making it difficult for them to finish the work.  But here was the answer... "I can't come down. I am doing a great work.  Why should I leave my work to come down to talk to you."  Five times the invitation came and five times the same answer was sent back. 

A lot of times it is important to get to 'yes', but this time the true leader recognized that the invitation was just a distraction...that this would never lead to 'yes'...that the work he was doing was too great to allow a fruitless distraction. 

So how does this help you and I?  First, what is the 'great work' that you are called to? Maybe it is time to reconnect to your personal vision and core values again. If you aren't connected to your great work, it will be easy to get distracted.  Second, how does the invitation fit with the great work that you are called to?  How does it feel when you hold the great work in one hand and the invitation in the other?  Do they merge with each other resulting in a stronger sense of possibility and greatness?  If so, then it is probably worth taking the next step.  But if not, you need to take the hardest step, and protect the great work by saying 'no'.  You may have to say it more than once. 

At the end of the day, saying 'no' to distractions is what protects our ability to say 'yes' to the great work we are called to.  That is the right 'yes' to get to. 

Daniel

The best mosaics have a lot of pieces...

Embracing Uncertainty

We live in an uncertain world. There will be people who will try to convince you it doesn't have to be that way - that with three steps or ten steps you can take control of your life.  But chasing certainty can be like looking at an illusion. You think you can grasp it, but it is not what it seems.

Don't get me wrong.  There are a lot of good principles to live by.  But that is exactly what they are, principles.  They don't guarantee a particular outcome.  Principles are valuable for helping us to act with integrity regardless of the outcome. 

An ancient teaching reminds us of this: 'Do not boast about tomorrow for you do not know what a day may bring'.  

Uncertainty shouldn't stop us from planning and working towards what is important to us.  In fact, if something is worth accomplishing, chances are it will have a fair amount of uncertainty about it.

It is hard to deal with uncertainty.  We fight it, so it usually needs to be forced upon us.  Then when we have no other option we may learn to tolerate it, begrudgingly... then we may come to expect it and finally, maybe we will embrace it.

Ask yourself - If you lost everything that you value, maybe your possessions, positions, relationships, reputation - what would you have left?  Are you holding onto an illusion that these things are within your control? - that steps you can take or not take will make them certain?

Ironically, chasing after certainty is a good way to create more uncertainty.  Studies have shown that the happiest people are those who embrace a realistic level of uncertainty and then get down to the business of living their lives.  Those who face great loss often find themselves open to enjoying each day for what they have but had taken for granted before. 

Daniel

The best mosaics have a lot of pieces

Wandering

JRR Tolkien in The Lord of the Rings wrote a familiar quote: 'not all who wander are lost'. In fact it may be just the opposite. Wandering is an incredible strategy that may help us find the way we need to go.

It is easy to be lost and not know it ... thinking we know where we are and where we are going.  The landmarks are familiar, it is just like we planned, just a few more steps, the moment of arrival, and then ... for some reason ... the destination isn't like we expected it would be.

The most important destinations are rarely that straight forward. The best ideas, not that forthcoming.  A structured path or process does not work in all situations. You may need to learn to navigate in a different way. 

Wandering may not seem efficient, leaving many to just stick with what is familiar and comfortable.  Also, with our busy lives, who has time to wander?  It is at times like this  that leaving our ordinary life behind for a bit and wandering may be just the key that we need. 

Three ways to wander:

With yourself - Give yourself permission to take some time and explore your thoughts and feelings and accept what comes up.  It is so easy to fill up every moment so our deeper thoughts and feelings have no time and space.  The key here is to give yourself permission and then observe without judging yourself.  You do not have to act on them, just being curious. 

With ideas - Go to a library or bookstore and see what captures your attention.  Walk through the aisles.  Pay attention to what catches your eye and don't judge.  Maybe pick out and read a book that is out of the ordinary, that intrigues you.  The key here is to step outside of your familiar habits and interests and be challenged by a fascination that you didn't even know you had or that you have not given expression to in the past.

With others - Leave familiar paths and engage in curiosity with others.  Everybody has a story but we rarely hear what it is.  Initiate a conversation with someone new or someone that you see regularly but realize you don't really know.  Ask an open ended question like what was a favourite memory growing up or who do you admire and look up to and why?  Then listen.  The key here is to leave your world behind for a bit and engage in someone else's.  Resist the urge to comment or tell your story and be open to additional questions that may take you further into their story. 

Daniel

The best mosaics have a lot of pieces...

Acknowledgement

I can't write, I can't write, I can't write...There I have done it.  I have been trying to write a blog for The Daniel Mosaic for months now.  It isn't working.  I should be able to but I can't.  I find it so hard to acknowledge what is uncomfortable at times like this.  I think that if I just push the thoughts, the feelings, out of my consciousness then they will go away and I can just get on with what I should be able to do.  Sometimes it works, but more and more it just leaves me stuck...and frustrated. 

Don't get me wrong.  I am not talking about letting what we want-to-do or feel-like-not-doing decide when or where we take action. That would be irresponsible.  I am talking about a state of living in conflict with ourselves, overriding ourselves, living at our own expense.  Most people can do that for a while.  But there is a price to pay.  I know because I paid it for a long time until eventually something seized in me and refused to budge. 

You see, we have to start from where we are, not from where we would like to be. Often, acknowledging where we are is the longest and hardest part of the journey.  It is the first step to being mindful, recognizing the mindless patterns in which we have been stuck.  Then when we acknowledge where we are, we need to stop being our own worst critic.  Why is it that we say things about ourselves that we would never say about someone else?

When we are in conflict with ourselves or feel stuck, there is an opportunity to silence the inner critic for a while and just be curious about what is going on, listening to ourselves and asking thoughtful questions like we would if we were with a friend.  We have an opportunity to be kind, gentle, compassionate and patient with ourselves while we figure things out.  

I am still in process but I am learning that the way I treat myself, when stuck, is the key to beginning to engage in and even enjoy the challenges that I previously had to force myself through. 

Daniel

The best mosaics have a lot of pieces...